Epilogues: November 2022

Epilogues: November 2022

Congratulations, kittens: you have reached Level 12 of 2022.

We all know the final boss in the video game has the biggest teeth. We are all acquainted with December’s smile and its sharpness.

Fortunately, one far greater than Super Mario is here to rescue us, and I don’t mean Santa.

I mean one (hundred) cats equipped with teeth to take down both despair and drumsticks.*

Would you like some Salad…

Whatever the drumline of your year has sounded like, there’s a verse for you in the Tabby’s Place carol. Our radiant, rumpled flannel family of felines would not be complete without you, so scurry on over to join us by the firelight.

As we tell stories and consume cookies around December’s embers, I ask you to remember four things:

1) Cats are unconcerned with whether or not you have plucked your eyebrows, donned your festive attire, or remembered to insert your dentures before presenting yourself at the holiday dinner table.

2) Cats are gravely concerned with whether or not you have properly defined “cookies.” “Cookies” are not sugared stars or gingerbread individuals. “Cookies” are dessicated rectangles of vaguely meatish product. Define them correctly, or decline to attend the cookie exchange. The choice is yours.

…with that Soup?

3) Cats are moderately concerned that the Philadelphia Chicken Man, who hath consumed 40 rotisserie chickens in 40 days, could not be bothered to drive a measly hour to Tabby’s Place to share his secrets and/or poultry.

4) Cats are most concerned to give themselves and yourselves and allselves a merry little December. And they got an early start in November:

Arrived: Shoresy, Nina, Eartha, Sanguinet, Nat, Ron, Puss n’ Boots, Hermione, Dolores, Cookie Monster (who is most concerned about #2 above), Wallace, Soup, Salad

Adopted: Benji, Louie, Dani, Stagecoach, Alamo, Malva, Zaboomafoo, Loonette, Matteo, Dalton, Roy, Arondir, Bronwyn, Tumbleweed, Earl, Cantus, Sprocket, Charm, Lucy Liu, Bolo, Elliot. ELLIOT. ELLIOT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ELLIOT. ELLIOT!

Returned: Rawlings, Charly


Guns Jumped by Angela: The Adoption of Ralph and S’mores, which, as it happens, was not meant to be, and so still remains to the future. (File also under: Selfishly Delightful Disappointments.)

Forever Foster Fabulosity: Jeannie, with the radiant Jae

Rocking his recovery: Gulliver

Newly Sponsorable & Seeking Viktory: Viktor

Promoted to the Community Room: Jared, Beckett, Eartha

Promoted to Heaven: Pumpkin, McKinley, Consetta

Stuff We Learned: Adopters are unconcerned with quaking and breaking our hearts over and over and over again. (ELLIOT. CHARM. DANI. YES I AM YELLING.) It would appear no cat is safe from the scourge of these selfless, loving, outrageously awesome humans. Who next, Olive? Only Santa Claus, Super Mario, and the Philadelphia Chicken Man know for sure, but December is known for its miracles.

Someone’s feeling Gullivery good these days…

Actually, there’s one more thing you must remember this December: none of this, absolutely none of it, is possible without you.

But with you, Level 12 is looking luscious. And just over that gingerbread hill, I think I see 2023 smiling at the cats and you and me.

December, go on and bare those teeth. Great Aunt Mafalda, go on and forget your dentures at the dinner table. 2022, carry on for one last chorus. We have cats baring their bellies, and souls feeling their worth.

Tabby’s Place has got this, because we’ve all got each other. Very much including you.

*This applies as much to the technically toothless cats as to the dentally-blessed. Metaphorical teeth are powerful, too. Metaphorical Teeth would also be a bangin’ name for a band.

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