Apparently the country’s in the very best of hands. They tell me that our debt problems are in the care of a supercommittee.

As best I can tell, any committee worthy of being called super must be made up of cats.

No ordinary cats, mind you. (Of course, according to the great French memoirist Colette, there are no ordinary cats. Word.) Fortunately, we are chock-full of extraordinary – nay, supraordinary – cats at Tabby’s Place right now.

Just check out some of the fancy breeds working on the nation’s problems from right here in Ringoes:

Kendall: Bengal
Peachy, Monk & Sharona: Siamese
Bambi: Ragdoll
Gingko & Hooper: Maine Coon
Dobro: Saber-toothed tiger
Webster: Awesome

Then again, there’s nothing a fancy-pants breed of cat can do that a scrumptious garden-variety mutt can’t. And, given the problems our country’s facing, maybe it’s best that our supercommittee of cats be able to speak to the common man. In addition to those high-falutin fancy felines above, I nominate the following for our supercommittee.

Bobbi: Peachy may be pretty, and Kendall may be elegant. But Bobbi has the distinction of being a shape-shifter, a la Odo in Deep Space Nine. (If you understand that reference without clicking through, you are a massive nerd and I love you.) One moment she’s a one-eyed cutie pie minding her own business. The next instant, she’s an orange comet blazing through space and time. I don’t know how she does it. But I’d definitely trust her with the debt crisis.

Posey: Even world-savers need to chillax sometimes. We’ve all got our own style: maybe you choose to watch 80s movies in bed. Maybe you choose to run through fields of flowers. Maybe you choose to put on sparkly pink tutus and dance around the house while singing old-time Italian songs to your cats (if so, let’s be best friends). If you’re Posey, you choose to prance (literally), chirp, rub up against people lovingly…and satisfy your sporadic desire for human flesh at unexpected moments. It’s this last quality that makes me think she is definitely needed in Washington.

Captain: Compromise is essential for getting anything done. If he can live in the rowdiest all-boys suite at Tabby’s Place and still retain his sweet-as-sugar, easy-as-applesauce spirit, Captain is desperately needed in Washington.

Hailee: And then there are those times when compromise is the fool’s way out. Hailee doesn’t pity the fool…or anyone else, for that matter. Hailee will annihilate the fool by the sheer force of her stink-eye. When Hailee gives you the stink-eye, you do what she wants, or else…you don’t want to know what else. Hailee will stand her ground on the supercommittee, and scare any namby-pamby pandering politicos into submission.

Webster: For obvious reasons, Webster is needed in Washington. But, on second thought, I retract this nomination. Webster is needed much more on my desk than anywhere else. Sorry, D.C. – this one’s ours.

So there, my friends and countrymen, is your supercommittee. And, I hate to be the first to leak it (who am I kidding - I love it)…but they’ve already got their first proposal. You’ve heard of a chicken in every pot? Who needs that? The Tabby’s Place supercommittee promises every household nine cats, with nine lives, for the modest fee of 900 pizzas.* Sounds like a bipartisan winner to me. God bless America!

*That’s hourly. Per cat.

 

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