You won’t make it long in this world if you don’t have friends. There’s no Words With Yourself. Joe Cocker didn’t get by with a little help from his self. Anne of Green Gables wasn’t searching for a bosom self. You gotta have friends.
Fortunately, the Tabby’s Place cats have you covered.
If you’re looking for friends of the Friends variety, grab your colorful umbrella and jump onto the coffee shop couch. If Tabby’s Place were the iconic 90s sitcom, Natasha would be Monica, Mango would be Chandler, and the humans would collectively be Ugly Naked Guy.
But, let’s face it: these are tough times. Our vice president is laughing like Woody Woodpecker. The Middle East is in disarray. Ke$ha is again topping the charts. Cheeburger Cheeburger is closing. You’re gonna need more than a few friends.
Again, the cats have your back. Spend time around Tabby’s Place, and you’ll have all kinds of friends. Just look as far as Adoption Room #3.
Friends come in different flavors, and that’s good.
Serious-minded Sylvia is worried that you aren’t getting enough riboflavin.
Posey just wants to teach you to dance Gagnam Style. (And, if this were Friends, she would be 100% Phoebe.)
Tinkerbell thinks you need to slow down and take it easy – and, also, spend more time brushing your her hair. One hundred strokes a day was good enough for Marcia Brady, and it will do you a world of good. Trust your Tink.
While you’re at it, join Lady Grey for a few voice lessons. You might think she’s the quietest cat at Tabby’s Place. (You might also think your tin foil hat will protect you from alien invasions and Cheeburger Cheeburger closings. You might think a lot of things.) But you need only wander into the hallway behind the adoption rooms on Adoption Room #3 cleaning day to hear another, louder story. The pocket-sized grey girl has pipes to put Pavarotti to shame. Love and romance and passion make some people sing. Others are inspired by cleaning. Lady Grey is in the latter camp. Whatever her muse, these screamy songs are both impressive and terrifying coming from a six-pound cat with cauliflower ears.
Fiona wants to watch reality television with you. We usually leave a talk radio station on in Adoption Room #3, because our little old lady cats do love opinions. But Fiona is sick of all this election claptrap and really just wants a good Kardashian marathon. Thanks to some serious dental work and getting her diabetes under control, our elder tortie is looking like she’s had her own extreme makeover these days – is it too much to ask for a few episodes of Jerseylicious? Of course not. And Fiona knows she can count on you.
Then there’s Ali. Ali wants to help you work on your Halloween costume: the invisible cat. Just crouch under the couch, not so much as flicking a whisker, until all signs of humanity have gone. Then, tempt them with your beauty as they approach the building by flirting through the window – only to vanish again when they enter. They hate that! Ha ha! It’s awesome! Snow-white coat optional but recommended. And, actually, Ali would prefer that you hide under another couch. Maybe those friends on Friends aren’t using theirs right now?
Flower is the final old-lady friend you’ll need, and she’s got you covered for all things theoretical. Our girl majors in Deep Thoughts. And, no wonder; this is the cat who came to us with nose cancer, almost needed her entire schnoz removed, then had the combo radiation/miracle package that resulted in 100% healing. It’s been years since cancer tangled with Flower, but the little girl with the ultra-intense expression still wrestles with epic questions. She’ll leave Man vs. Wild and Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo to Fiona, and fashion to Tinkerbell; Flower’s your go-to girl for talking philosophy and psychology and theology and spelology.*
You know you’ll get by with a little help from your friends. I recommend you start in Adoption Room #3.
*That would be “the scientific study of caves and other karst features, their make-up, structure, physical properties, history, life forms, and the processes by which they form (speleogenesis) and change over time (speleomorphology).” But you probably knew that.