People say that brown tabbies are common, average, unexciting.
People say that those Tiggers and Tigers are dime-a-dozen, ordinary, “meh.”
People say a lot of things.
But we know: if brown tabbies aren’t your cup of tea, you’re missing out on some of the sweetest warmth known to humanity. Just ask Oolong.
Actually, we already did. With a bit of opposable-thumbed assistance from his adopter/typist, our recent adoptee writes:
“Dear Friends at Tabby’s Place,
“I LOVE my new home! Thanks for helping my mom and dad find me. They give lots of kisses and belly rubs. Boy, do those belly rubs feel good! My new house has lots of toys and cozy places to sleep. The sliding glass doors are like a giant, HD television. Watching the antics of birds, squirrels and chipmunks never gets boring. When I moved in, I noticed there was another guy just like me in the house. He was friendly, but gave me my space to get comfortable. I really appreciated that.
“There was just one small problem when I moved to my new home. My people didn’t know what to call me. When I was at Tabby’s Place, my name was Oolong. It was a perfectly fine name and I didn’t mind being called Oolong, but my mom and dad decided they wanted to change it. I’ve got a lot of grey in my fur, so dad suggested calling me Earl Grey. It would have continued the tea theme in my original name, but mom said no. She said they’d eventually just wind up calling me Earl and she didn’t like it.
“My new brother’s name is Linus. He’s from Tabby’s Place, too. What a coincidence! Apparently, when he moved in, he was really scared all the time and liked to hide under blankets. Mom and Dad named him after a Peanuts cartoon character that had a security blanket. Linus is a lot braver now. I haven’t seen him under a blanket since I got here, but they like his name, so they’re not changing it. They thought it would be fun to name me after Linus’s piano playing friend, Schroeder. On my first day in my new home, that’s what they called me. I didn’t feel like a Schroeder and I have no piano playing skills. Very quickly they realized I wasn’t meant to be Schroeder no matter how cute it would be to have Linus and Schroeder in the same house.
“Since I didn’t have a name, Mom kept referring to me as, ‘He who shall not be named.’ Mom has read all the Harry Potter books and that made her think of the character Voldemort. The name of such an evil character wouldn’t do for a boy as sweet as me, so she shortened the name to the much less threatening sounding Mortie. She thought it was cute, clever and literary. They agreed to try it out for 24 hours. By the end of the day, Dad ruled it out as a choice. He said Mortie sounded like an old man who lives down in Florida and wears white shoes and a white belt.
“Dad began researching more names for me. I’m a calm, easy-going guy, so Dad looked up names that have that meaning. He typed up a list then gave it to Mom. She read through the list with names like Zen, Kai and Paxton. She said the names were either pretentious or sounded like I was a professional surfer. I’m not exactly sure what surfing is, but I heard it involves being in water. I only like to drink water, so I was really happy that Mom said no to those names.
“They could not come to any type of agreement and were surprised they were having so much trouble naming me. They keep talking about how handsome I am and how I have so many interesting markings. They tried to find a name that would capture the essence of my handsomeness, but couldn’t find one. Dad says I look like a professor who is wearing glasses, so they looked up literary names. Still they couldn’t find anything. I couldn’t be nameless forever. Hearing a new name everyday was getting confusing. At one point, they just called me new guy.
“Finally, Dad suggested a fun sounding old man name. They went through lists of old names and found the name Otis. And, like all the other names they gave me, we tried this one on for a day. That name seemed to suit me. I was starting to feel like an Otis. Dad thought it was a great name. Mom liked the way Otis and Linus sounded together. By the end of the day my fourth day in my new home, I had a new name. Yay!
“I am grateful to all my friends at Tabby’s Place for taking care of me and helping me adopt my Mom and Dad. I love my new home and my new name that came with it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there is a twisty toy that needs my attention.
“Purrs and love,
There’s nothing sweeter than finding a family who knows your true, “you” name, and will sing it back to you all life long. Oolong, we are so grateful you’re their forever cup of tea.
Bonus: If you’re tickled by Otis’ turns of phrase, you’ll be giddy to learn that his adopter blogs — delightfully — under the pseudonym Paprika Furstenburg here. You’re welcome.
Housekeeping note: I shall be out of the office next week, visiting Spain, where I am Queen, and seeking to replace the recently-abdicated King mi familia in las montañas Poconos. But fear thee not: you shall have a bloggable feast, in the form of treats from El Capitan and a 12-year-old wonder. In my absence, please send all comments/questions/smart remarks to our general email address. But if you should happen to be Jimmy Fallon and/or Marcus Mumford and wish to apply for the position of King of Spain, please call Jonathan, who will put you in touch with me immediately. Mmmwah.