We work hard to prevent feline fatherhood at Tabby’s Place. This is the all-important “N” at the center of TNR.

(That’s “Trap, Neuter, Return,” not “Turkey, Nuggets, Ravioli,” no matter what Bello tries to tell you.)

But you can be a great Dad without having a single kitten.

So today, we salute the top Pops of Tabby’s Place.

Coming in at number ten is, of course, Poppa Lay. He’s the tee-ball coach who makes bench-warmers feel like all-stars. He has more pep talks than a Tom Hanks movie. He has convinced anxious Emperatriz that she is the most valuable torbie. He has hugged Chicken Nugget in word and deed.

Poppa Lay is the Pop who believes every winner is a kitten inside, and every kitten is a winner. If Suite D came in last place in the All-Suite Series, Poppa Lay would make them trophies out of old Happy Meal toys.

Number nine is Steven, the pecan-sandy senior who would give you his last Werther’s. Steven is the Grandpop who learns the lyrics to your favorite songs, even if they make him blush and say, “isn’t that saucy!”

Steven wants to know what you’re into these days. Steven would rather take you to the trampoline park than see Neil Diamond in concert, and Steven really loves Neil Diamond.

If your eyes fill with tears at the sight of Steven’s arthritis, Steven will make a joke so you feel better. Steven does not want anything more than for you to feel better and better and better.

Not all Pops are sugar-sweet. Our eighth honoree is Olive, the imperial overseer of the Lobby.

Wait, isn’t Olive female? Yes. And your point? Olive can be a Dad. Olive can be anything Olive wants to be. Olive wants to be everything. Olive is making excellent progress. Olive is already the Executive Director of Tabby’s Place, President of Cheesecake Factory, and Archbishop of the Solar System.

If you foolishly remark that these titles are held by others, Olive will tell you not to talk back to your Dad that way. Olive is tough because she believes in you. Spend enough time with Olive, and you will believe you can be everything, too.

Poppa number seven is the jovial Juel. If a noogie came to life, it would be Juel. Juel is the Dad who hides circus peanuts in your sneakers and peeks around the corner to see what will happen. Juel wakes you up early to say you are not going to school today, because it is Cottage Cheese Appreciation Day, and you are going to the curd-eating contest together. Juel would let the neighborhood children put temporary tattoos of unicorns all over his face.

Juel lets all the cats share his blanket, because he cannot face a world where anyone does not feel welcome.

You are welcome to call Bello “Dad” anytime you’d like, which is why he is our sixth honoree. Bello came from a crowded colony, and he favors a crowded table. If you are alone in the Lobby, Bello will wrap you in his flannel shirt and tell you a story about that time he wrangled an entire herd of feral Doritos.

It does not matter if you are a cat, a human, a sea cucumber, or a Congressperson. Bello believes you are his own. Bello will affix his entire Homer Simpson physique to your person until you believe everything is okay.

Berry may seem a bit young to get a Father’s Day card. But our fifth Poppa is every inch a Dad, even though he is only a few inches long.

Berry may fit in the crook of your neck, but Berry intends to raise you. Berry intends to raise the entire vibration of the Earth. Berry can raise his own back legs over his head and walk on his arms. This would not be possible if Berry did not have a “birth defect” called spina bifida.

Berry defines “defects” differently than ordinary Dads. Berry says all kittens get to define themselves as “daring” and “divine.” Berry says this means you are, in fact, his kitten.

At number four, Willie is the Poppa who wept when you first got your ears pierced. The grey dandelion looks wonder-struck, because he truly sees. Willie sees the child inside each volunteer. Willie sees the invincible light behind tired eyes. Willie sees the cheddar shreds in the dinner dish before it touches the floor.

When Willie suffered a traumatic brain injury, it was “improbable” that he would survive. Willie observes that we are all “improbable,” yet here we are. Willie stares at you as though you are sunrise, or at least as though you are capable of procuring cheddar shreds, which is the same thing. Willie stares at you until you see yourself as beautiful.

We are closing in on the top Pops, and Murdock is number three. Earth’s most earnest tabby wants to make sure you are ready for life. Murdock will not let you leave this house until he’s taught you everything you need to know. Since the most important thing you need to know is the pleasure of Murdock’s company, you will not be leaving this house anytime soon.

But in the meantime, Murdock can prepare you for “adulting.” Murdock can impart such life skills as sprinting through doors shrieking “I am Spartacus!” This is essential when you are “not allowed” through those doors, even though all the squeeze-chicken is on the other side.

Murdock was so skilled, he was banished/promoted from the lobby to Suite B, so as to have several additional doors between himself and his desired door. Murdock is not done. Murdock will prepare you for closed doors.

Smokey is old enough to be your Great-Great-Grandpop, but that is not why he comes in at number two.

Smokey has not outgrown the dangerous business of telling you how he feels.

Smokey stops mid-sentence to hug you. Smokey hides index cards in your lunch box, just to tell you he loves being your Smokey, and he hopes you have a great day.

Smokey will follow you around the Community Room until you are found. Smokey will cancel his business meeting with Patches and Tux if you did not have a great day. Smokey’s eyes are so large, they will convince you the best is yet to come, even if you are sixteen or eighty-six.

Of course, there is no way to rank these Poppas, so please take the numbers with a grain of kibble.

But, there is one uncontested top Pop at Tabby’s Place.

He is our Benjamin Franklin, the literal father of a nation (or at least a dozen of our residents).

He was rather … efficient, before he was neutered.

He came as he is, a bit old for teen spirit.

His love is too big for a heart-shaped box.

He has had so many kittens, he lost count, so he just assumes we are all his.

He’s Nirvana, and he joins all our Dads and cats in wishing you a fabulous Father’s Day.

And if you’re looking for a last-minute gift for your rad Dad, our purring Pops have got you. Click here to honor your favorite father figure while saving felines.

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