The year is 2025, and humans have learned how to make many things. We have invented an entity called “cheese product.” We have taught our smart speakers to tell us the dewpoint, the average weight of a wombat, and Willie Nelson’s birthday. We can even manufacture diamonds in a laboratory and convince each other they […]
All polished rubies glitter beautifully whether paler or darker in red tones. One unpolished, grey tabby named Ruby outshines them all.
No one gets out of November unscathed: not you, not me, and not the star-crossed onions who gave their lives to surf your Aunt Lurlene’s green bean casserole. Elections cause feelings. Thanksgivings cause feelings. The last chrysanthemum falling to the ground? The poet trees turned naked as prose? Feelings. Feelings. Feelings. The only cure for […]
Oh, March, you month of missed opportunities. You talk about lions, lambs, and leprechauns, but you overlook the one creature on earth who is simultaneously all three. You make much of March Madness, but dribble right past its experts. Kittens, March! Cherish the Kittens!
You may be vaccinated. You may be agitated. But spring, and hope, and cats are marching on, and I hope you’ll come along.
There’s nothing — absolutely nothing — wrong with a Festive Holiday Gathering(TM). But let’s be real (since this is the internet, the safest possible place for sincerity): sometimes such shindigs are a mile wide and an inch deep.
We came. We marched fourth. We marched thirty-first, even. And now, we shall April.
Sometimes 28 days can feel like the longest month of the year. This was no ordinary February.
Maybe this month’s round-up is delayed because the Tonight Show just moved back to New York. Maybe this month’s round-up is delayed because New Jersey has gotten so much snow that road crews are actually pouring actual pickle juice on the roads in a fiesta of frozen brine.* Maybe this month’s round-up is delayed because […]