A surprisingly poetic statesman once referred to “unknown unknowns.”

These are the things we don’t know we don’t know.

Falling squarely into that category: the real truth about “We Wish You A Merry Christmas.”

Today, the cats and I are going to yank that truth out of the “unknown unknowns” box and give you the knowledge you never knew you didn’t know.

You may have thought “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” was about wishes of merriment for Christmas.

Perhaps it also pertained to happiness for New Year.

You weren’t wrong…but you were only partially right.

If you endure all 6 verses, you’ll find that “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” is actually about an angry mob.

More specifically, it’s about 3:54 pm at Tabby’s Place: a Cat Sanctuary. You may recall that wet food is served at 4:00 pm.

Skeptical? I give you the following (real, unedited) lyrics:

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year

Well that’s all well and good. Backatcha.

Good tidings we bring
To you and your kin
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year

Aww. To you and your kin, too…

Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
And a cup of good cheer

Figgy pudding? Why, I’m sorry, you don’t get fed until 4pm, and I’m not even sure what figgy pudding is, and —

We won’t go until we get some
We won’t go until we get some
We won’t go until we get some
So bring it right here

Whoa, where did that come from?

So bring us some figgy pudding
So bring us some figgy pudding
So bring us some figgy pudding
And bring it right here

Is this about to turn into a hostage situation? You have dry food and the wet food from 45 minutes ago and — why are you all staring at me like that?

Good tidings we bring
To you and your kin
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year

Now you know, kittens. Be forewarned: if you want a merry Christmas, you’d best not show up at Tabby’s Place without figgy pudding.

Once you figure out what that is, please tell us.

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