What do the Tabby’s Place felines have to do with Willie Nelson?
How could you compare our cats to the Partridge Family?
Like these admirable individuals, our cats are taking their show on the road. But no arena or stadium is quite right for our creatures (although Webster would be interested in getting the giant glowing lemon from U2’s Popmart tour). If it’s been used by some other, lesser performers, a venue is unfit for our mold-breaking babies (Peachy would make an exception for Tom Jones).
And so it happened that, for their first-ever world tour (and by “world” I mean “the great non-metropolis of Ringoes and its environs”), our cats are the first and only felines to perform at the brand-spanking-new PetSmart in Flemington, NJ.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, because I thought it too. (Yes, I’m creepy that way. And I also know that you are thinking about green oatmeal and listening to Dawes RIGHT NOW.) How could you take the cats away from their cage-free cushiness to put them in cages? How could you take them away from the jewel of Ringoes, the treasure island that is Tabby’s Place? How, in the name of all that is good and holy, HOW??!!
We never do anything at Tabby’s Place unless it is in the best interest of the cats – ever. (OK. Sometimes, when no one else is in the office, Webster and I listen to Neil Diamond, and that’s definitely not in the best interest of anyone else, human or feline. But I digress.) We hemmed and hawed long and hard about this one. We itched and agitated.
Ultimately, however, the cats won. (They always do.) This world tour gives them exposure to the maddening masses, upping their adoption odds by roughly 900,000,000,000% (according to the latest Townsend poll). Their PetSmart “condos” are clear plexiglas-ish things, 2 or 3 stories high each, and roughly the size of my apartment.
And, best of all, they get to do their thing for a fawning public.
While some cats wouldn’t particularly enjoy this kind of public performance, we only send our boldest, sturdiest exhibitionists on tour – and, suffice to say, these little hams are loving it.
You already know the good news of Tia’s short-term stay at Tabby’s Place. From here to PetSmart to casa forever, it was a very short tour for our happily-adopted tortie.
At the risk of making myself throw up in my mouth a little, I’m going to paraphrase John Mayer: Tiffany is vastly bigger than her body gives her credit for. Barely bigger than a pop tart, Tiffany is the wasabi of the feline world: awesome, bright, bold…and more than a little insane. Our tiny white wonder considers the world her stage, and she’s making PetSmart sparkle like never before. Quite honestly, the store should be paying us in five-pound diamonds for the privilege of having our little headliner. (Note to any PetSmart execs reading this: Really. That would be fine. We’ll even take one-pounders.)
But I suspect Tiff’s tour is going to be trimmed short sooner than you can say “I think we’re alone now.” Like the Partridge Family, like Willie Nelson, Tiff is going to have to eventually go home.
*Note: you can visit Tiffany & Co. at the Flemington PetSmart anytime. Well, anytime they’re open. Although Tiffany would be happy to help you break in, I don’t recommend it.