What’s that they say about those who don’t learn from history?

Ah, yes: they are doomed to repeat it in summer school.

Now, that’s not really fair for today’s blogstar. It’s not exactly that Ivan wouldn’t learn from history…if anything’s to blame for sending our boy to summer school spring cage-rest, it’s Ivan’s ungroovy knee. That’s certainly not Ivan’s fault; he just must have missed business hours at the Properly-Grooved Patella Store. (They have great sales on Saturdays.)

Still, we can’t deny that history is repeating itself. Paint Ivan orange, and you’re back with Donny in 2009.

(Um. Actually I do not condone painting Ivan orange. Even nice kittens have their limits, and going Ronald McDonald red is well past ’em.)

Once again we have a kitten of infinite jest and uncanny sweetness, confined to a stupid cage. But all is not lost stupid. This confinement is temporary – just like Donny’s, Geoff‘s and Linda‘s – and the best is already here…

…Ivan has his groove back.

With all respect to Stella, there’s nothing metaphorical about this guy’s groove. Ivan enjoys dancing to funky beats as much as the next cat (Rick James is his favorite)…but this groove is all about anatomy.

We knew that Ivan had a severe luxating patella (in layman’s terms, a Really Bad And Ouchy Knee). Otherwise as hyperkinetic as any feline teenager (picture Gilbert Godfrey on a case of Five-Hour Energies), Ivan was slowed down and stymied by that knee. He wanted to play and romp and follow human beans everywhere, but, every few steps, he’d plop down to rest and pause from the pain. Even Mr. Grey is more active than that. (Well…actually he’s not. The only thing Mr. Grey is more active than is a turnip. And it’s close. But he’s cuter by far.)

So we knew that Ivan would need surgery to fix that funkiness, and that there would certainly be a period of cage rest in his future. What we didn’t know was that this poor cow-colored kitten was utterly devoid of groove. (It sounds so sad even to type that. Methinks we should launch a new nonprofit organization, just to help the many creatures born into the world without a groove. Brings a tear to mine eyes.)

Your kneecaps and mine are nestled in perfectly-crafted, meticulously-fitted grooves at the end of our femurs. These little notches let our kneecaps (patellas) glide painlessly when we walk and jump and do the YMCA. No groove, no gliding. If your groove is too shallow, the kneecap will luxate (lurch around) when you move, wracking you with pain and locking up your legs. So in music and in femurs, you want a nice, deep groove.

When the surgeon did his wizardry on Ivan’s kneecap, he found that Ivan had absolutely no groove in which his kneecap could ride.

All together now: Yeoooowww!

But here’s where history takes a brighter turn. Like Donny before him, Ivan was in the hands of Dr. Marvelous and his team (the Marvelettes)…and today, Ivan is a supremely groovy little feline. All that stands between him and the romp of his life is an annoying little thing called cage rest.

Ah yes. Call it summer school.

As a proper teenager, Ivan has a lot to say about all this, none of it printable in this blog. His meows of indignation echo through the Lobby and bounce off the walls (and off distant satellites, for that matter). It takes all my strength and tough-love not to spring him from his crate.

But we know this is temporary, a blip in Ivan’s life history. He’ll forget it in a flash once the new, groovy years begin tumbling out in front of him. 

And in the meantime…he’ll star in the cutest natural-history diorama in the lobby.

Note to Ivan-adorers: our grooviest munchkin will soon be a sponsorable Special Needs cat. Stay tuned to this blog if you’d like to help care for him and cover the costs of his surgery with Dr. Marvelous.

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