Anyone who reads this blog knows that Webster is my sun and stars.
Today the light has gone dark.
My heart has been hurled too hard against the wall of the universe for me to have many words today. I have been four years blessed by the sweetest love anyone can imagine this side of heaven. Every day has been a gift.
No one has a right to a gift, and there’s no sense “expecting” something so lavish. But somewhere along the line, I snuggled deep down into thinking that Webster would simply always be here, like the sun and the stars.
Always in my arms. Always rubbing my face. Always wrapped around me as I type and work and fundraise and pray.
In a fit of emotion this morning, as soon as I learned that today would be the day, I filled out the Tabby’s Place adoption application and paid my adoption fee. Webster has always been mine — but there was something important about making it official.
I’d apologize for my incoherence if I didn’t know that you amazing people understand.
Even as I’m crawling my way through the dark today, I cling to the blessed hope of actual forever, where gifts don’t end and grace is unlimited by heartbeats. I know, even in the depths of this ache, that my sun and stars have not gone out. They have merely been eclipsed by the veil of death.
But a veil it is, and a defeated veil that will again blast open with the full light of Life:
“There are heavenly bodies and earthly bodies, but the glory of the heavenly is of one kind, and the glory of the earthly is of another. There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars; for star differs from star in glory.
“So is it with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is perishable; what is raised is imperishable. It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness; it is raised in power. It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body.
“Thus it is written, ‘The first man Adam became a living being;’ the last Adam became a life-giving spirit. But it is not the spiritual that is first but the natural, and then the spiritual. The first man was from the earth, a man of dust; the second Man is from heaven. As was the man of dust, so also are those who are of the dust, and as is the man of heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the Man of heaven.
“I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:
‘Death is swallowed up in victory.
‘O death, where is your victory?
‘O death, where is your sting?’
“The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15: 40-58)
Our love was not — is not — in vain.
Webster, my sun, my stars, my heart, my love, I will miss you with every heartbeat until the Man from Heaven returns or calls me home. But I would never trade away this agony if it meant missing you this side of the Kingdom of Heaven. When we meet again on that eternal shore, we will know the life that never ends.
I love you with all of my heart.