8639625846_cabe4860acAnyone who reads this blog knows that Webster is my sun and stars.

Today the light has gone dark.

100409-webster-3My heart has been hurled too hard against the wall of the universe for me to have many words today. I have been four years blessed by the sweetest love anyone can imagine this side of heaven. Every day has been a gift.

No one has a right to a gift, and there’s no sense “expecting” something so lavish. But somewhere along the line, I snuggled deep down into thinking that Webster would simply always be here, like the sun and the stars.

Always in my arms. Always rubbing my face. Always wrapped around me as I type and work and fundraise and pray.

100427_webster_9In a fit of emotion this morning, as soon as I learned that today would be the day, I filled out the Tabby’s Place adoption application and paid my adoption fee. Webster has always been mine — but there was something important about making it official.

I’d apologize for my incoherence if I didn’t know that you amazing people understand.

Even as I’m crawling my way through the dark today, I cling to the blessed hope of actual forever, where gifts don’t end and grace is unlimited by heartbeats. I know, even in the depths of this ache, that my sun and stars have not gone out. They have merely been eclipsed by the veil of death.

But a veil it is, and a defeated veil that will again blast open with the full light of Life:

“There are heavenly bodies and earthly bodies, but the glory of the heavenly is of one kind, and the glory of the earthly is of another. There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars; for star differs from star in glory.7237599192_25453e3202_m1

“So is it with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is perishable; what is raised is imperishable. It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness; it is raised in power. It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body.

“Thus it is written, ‘The first man Adam became a living being;’ the last Adam became a life-giving spirit. But it is not the spiritual that is first but the natural, and then the spiritual. The first man was from the earth, a man of dust; the second Man is from heaven. As was the man of dust, so also are those who are of the dust, and as is the man of heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the Man of heaven.

4996491508_65c064c87a“I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

‘Death is swallowed up in victory.
‘O death, where is your victory?
‘O death, where is your sting?’

“The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15: 40-58)

Our love was not — is not — in vain.120520-amazin-webby-by-jbh1

Webster, my sun, my stars, my heart, my love, I will miss you with every heartbeat until the Man from Heaven returns or calls me home. But I would never trade away this agony if it meant missing you this side of the Kingdom of Heaven. When we meet again on that eternal shore, we will know the life that never ends.

I love you with all of my heart.

42 thoughts on “Eclipse

  1. I am not sure what to say…..I know how you feel and there is no fixing it. You have to run your course of grief and acceptance and it is a rotten task…..some cats send out spiritual tendrils which twirl around our hearts and spirits. These strings are eternal. So even though he is not with you in his poor skinny body now, he is right there with you in spirit at this very moment. His love is still there. He will be with tomorrow and the next day and whenever you need him in the future….He picked you! Only you. It is a blessing and a burden. You gave the best love that any cat could hope for in this throw away world. It gave me a great deal of joy to see you and Webster loving each other every day and I will never forget your bond. The hardest part of loving a cat is knowing when it is the best time to let go. Webster is grateful that he did not have to suffer. He was in great spirits during this past month and he had the best life on your desk!…..I request 2 things: 1.) Be very special to yourself while you are healing. 2.) I want another brick in the garden for Webster….Webster is watching over you. LOVE. BREATHE. LOVE…..I am so sorry for this huge loss of your Webby. He was a great fine cat with the most unusual eyes I have ever seen. We all all send you comfort….Z

  2. Your love is forever. Such a love truly reaches heaven. My heart hurts for your loss, but know that this separation is only temporary. And even this separation is only illusory, because you and Webster are always together because of your love for each other.
    Peace and blessings…to both of you.

  3. A beautiful, heartbreaking post. I’m crying with you, my friend. Webster, thank you for gracing all of our lives.

    Awaiting the trumpets,


  4. God bless Webster and welcome him home. God bless you, Angela, in your sorrow – earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal. You are loved beyond measure, dearest angel friend.

  5. Angela, you always manage to find the words in situations where I would have none. I know that writing can often bring some comfort. I’m sending you many hugs today. Webby, you beautiful tabby boy, delight in joy and peace forever. You are truly forever loved.

    1. Thank you so much, wonderful Sue. Sometimes the words just tumble out with the tears, one after the next until there are none left. It is getting me through this to have friends like you who understand, and who loved Webby so truly. I have been blessed and comforted by the realization of how many people loved him so very much.

  6. RIP – Webster, Angela I feel your loss he was indeed a great friend to you. As you know I am still fostering and you have my promise that there will be A Webster in my next group, There may also be an Angela, no telling. Once again sorry for the loss of such a wonderful cat.

  7. “…I filled out the Tabby’s Place adoption application and paid my adoption fee.”

    This just brought tears to my eyes. Such a good kitty he was. He is forever loved.

    1. Thank you, BittyKitty — your words of kindness are a comfort. Webby was blessed to know your affection (and your attempts to offer him wet food each week).

    1. Indeed he was, dear friend — and you captured those luminous eyes as none other. Thank you for leaving me with so many photographic treasures of the boy whose face is etched into my soul.

  8. Oh, Angela, I’m so sorry. I know you’ll see him again. My own beloved brown tabby and I send our love to you and everyone else at Tabby’s Place who will be missing Webster.

  9. Angela, I am so sorry for your loss. I logged back in to re-read your post about Webster and the beautiful painting, only to find this sad news. I am glad that he became yours officially! That is a very touching end to this chapter…. I will be thinking of you!

    1. Thank you so much, MiaCeska. Hugs and blessings to you. It means the world to me that Webby has touched so many hearts. Your words are truly a comfort.

  10. I’m so very sorry Angela. He was so lucky to have you (and you him). He truly knew he was loved and you will see him again. I know it. My heart aches for you because I know the loss you feel. Your Webster will be waiting for you when you arrive at the gates of Heaven!

  11. I so sorry to hear Webster had to go on without you for now. I think that’s the hardest part: being separated so awfully. You’ll see each other again, and it’ll be better, and eternally better. Eternally good. We love you.

    1. Anne, thank you so much for your kind words and your love. Sending love and many blessings to you as well. “Eternally good” — yes! I believe it with all my soul, even as we ache in the meantime.

    1. Amen, maxsmom! Big giant hug to you. Thank you for being such a faithful friend to Webby and to me. His big, splendorous eyes were blessed to smile upon you every Friday.

  12. Wonderful friends,

    Words fail to fully express how much your comments have meant to me today. Each and every one has wrapped around my spirit like a much-needed hug. I am thanking God for each of you.


  13. Auntie Angela, I’m real sorry to find out that Uncle Webby is now with my other uncles, Ike and Harley at the Rainbow Bridge! Don’t worry they’ll take real good care of him and show him around all the cool places. I know you’ll miss him a lot!! He really really really loved you – he told me so!
    There’s a bunch of special Tabby’s Place kitties there, all in their own special TP Suite to keep him company – he won’t be lonely! You can come hug me real tight anytime! Its OK if your tears make me wet – then you can dry me off with a soft blankie.


    1. Bialy, I think I will be taking you up on that offer of tear-soaked snuggles. Meantime, I send you my thanks, love and kisses across the web…

    1. Thank you for loving him across the internet, Kathi. Webby was blessed to be so loved, and that is a source of comfort even amidst the deep sorrow.

  14. Chickadee and I are sorry for the loss at Tabby’s Place. I know all too well the pain of losing a furry friend, a friends that makes you smile every day. Chicky and I are thinking of you guys. Sending love and hugs


    1. Thanks so much, Chrissy — and sweet Chicky.

      Chicky: I fondly remember your own days on my desk. You and Webster were friends, and I am grateful he and I both got to know and love you.

  15. Angela,

    I have long been an avid reader of your wonderful stories. They have often moved me to tears and laughter (sometimes at the same time). This time I was moved you reach out to you. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Webster. How lucky you both were to have loved each other undconditionally. Take comfort knowing he is beyond all pain and in a place of eternal sunshine.


  16. Angela and all at Tabby’s Place
    We at our home will mourn this passing with you as if he were our own. As he is! He is one and parcel of all since the love her put forth will move forever throughout the universe not until the end of time but simply until we all meet in that place of forever love. That place of forever play. That place of forever young. We shall meet and be whole to run and play in the sun. We will then do it all again on tiredless paw and feet.
    Love, Purrs and Prayers from all of us at the Tomcat Home

  17. So sorry for your loss. I stumbled upon this website after my HCM cat died from a saddle thrombus on 8 June. Shock, devastation, and an incredible sense of loss don’t begin to describe how I feel. I just wanted to say that Webster looked like a very special cat — it’s easy to see from those photos that he absolutely adored you, he looks so content and happy. My cat actually looked a little like Webster, and also loved keeping me company while I was working at the computer, or watching TV, or reading, showering, sleeping… I miss him so much.

    1. Mr. Heathcliff, I am deeply sorry for your loss. How blessed we are to have known the love of these two amazing tabbies and their deep, true hearts. Please know that you are in my prayers as you miss your feline family member too.

  18. Oh Angela,
    I didn’t know. I wrote this some time ago for a very beloved cat…perhaps you’ll think of Webster when you read it….Cats never really leave us. They just say ‘see you later’.

    Crossing Over

    I can see a Rainbow
    The sun shines after rain
    They say they send you Rainbows
    When they cross the Bridge again
    Because you see they bound between the worlds
    Dance and play beyond the veil
    Because mysterious is the Spirit
    That wears those ears and tail

    You may feel him in those moments
    When he’d greet you at the door
    For he can play in good health now
    And skid across the floor
    His playmates yes they see him,
    They meow at unseen form
    For in this very moment
    He’s waiting to be reborn
    As perhaps another kitten
    Who will tap with playful paw
    And gaze at you with emerald eyes
    To tell you what he saw
    That yes there is a Rainbow Bridge
    Filled with fields of Clover
    And there is really nothing to it
    Coming to and Crossing Over

    D.A.H.K 2/2011

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