There are things you can’t make up.
Things you shouldn’t make up. Things you couldn’t make up.
A black-and-white cat named Sylvester eating yellow birds is one of them.
It’s a good thing this particular eater’s name is Sly, or Warner Brothers might sue us for copyright infringement. (I tawt I taw a lawsuit.)
But the rest of the story is entirely too true. Animate the garden of your mind and picture this.
The endless winter of 2014 found a certain Sylvesterian feline outdoors. He found a kindly woman, who found it impossible not to feed him. One day, Kindly Woman let her door swing open into the frigid air, and the skinny cat tore into the house like Speedy Gonzales with Yosemite Sam on his tail.
OK. Nothing too cartoonish there. Kindly folk let lonely cats in their houses all the time. Endless happily-ever-afters have started that way.
Alas, Sly’s propensity for chaos was all too much live action.
The details are a bit hazy, but sources tell me that Sly tore around that house for three wild, wearying days. Kindly Woman was already frazzled by Sly’s manic behavior when he touched the third rail — or, as the case may be, the second cage.
Kindly Woman happened to have two pet birds. Nice birds. Loved birds.
Yummy, scrumptious, nom nom nommity birds.
Sly ate them…both.
That’s all, folks.
No creature this side of the Road Runner could outrun Kindly Woman’s frustration. Sly went from her house to animal control to a fog of uncertainty…and then to Tabby’s Place.
Let’s just say our wascally boy has joined the feline witness protection program.
Belly full of birds, Sly settled in promptly at Tabby’s, finding friends and loving up to lookalike tuxedo Sneakers. Despite his history of avian violence, we came to adore Sly immediately. He was equal parts Pepe le Pew and Bashful the dwarf, alternately flirty and coy and 100% charm. His hesitation with humanity earned him a place in our volunteer socialization program, but when his socializer visited, Sly seemed determined to amuse and entertain her rather than be “properly socialized.” He’s a high-energy, high-flying cartoon of a creature, and he’s gloriously, shamelessly real.
So it’s only right that our true-life tat should find an unusually fabulous, bird-free home. As of this writing, he’s headed there in 48 hours.
Can you guess where Sly’s bound, kittens? Anyone wish to place a wager on this one? I’ll give you one hint: you know this adopter, and you love him.
OK, one more morsel: Sly’s not going to casa magnifica alone.
More to come next week.
Both photos by the splendiferous Jess B.