He strolls, but he makes someone else do the strolling.
He pulls out his hair, but only to confirm he’d be a handsome Sphynx.
He’s Arnold, and he makes everything look good.

Arnold is aware that not every inch of “everything” is good-looking. Critical components of “everything” are downright hideous.
“Everything” has the audacity to include pumpkin spice deodorant, letters that begin “Dear Valued Consumer,” and ads that end “I approved this message.” We shall not even speak of chicken fingers that contain neither chicken nor fingers.
Everything does not look good. But Arnold is working on this.

If it sounds as though Arnold is preparing to run for office, you are insightful. You are also incorrect. Arnold makes everything look good, but he is not so sure “politics” is part of “everything.” Anyway, Arnold has better things to do, and he’s doing them for you.
Arnold is applying the full tonnage of Arnold to objects owned by persons not named Arnold. Arnold is doing this for you. If Arnold does not administer his gravitas to objects, they are liable to float away like forlorn balloons.
This applies to binders, portfolios, and FitBits, but most of all it applies to ideas. If you have the good fortune to visit our Adoptions Office, Arnold will immediately occupy all of your ideas so they don’t get away.
I am not being cute. I am not being allegorical. I am being scientific. It is empirically incontrovertible that a visit to Arnold will immediately empty your brain basket of all non-Arnold concepts.
They are not gone. Arnold is protecting them, so you can devote your time to thinking about Arnold.
What else were you going to think about, the number of steps you have taken today?
Arnold’s first act in office, were he to want any office but the Adoptions Office, would be to confiscate and desecrate all FitBits. You are one of the “everyones” comprising “everything.” If “everything” is ever going to look good, it’s all hands on deck. Besides, as everyone (by which I mean Arnold) knows, that everyone looks better when they are enormous.
Arnold would like for you to work on being enormous, and your FitBit is not helping one bit.
There is one form of exercise Arnold will approve, so long as it is conducted slowly and deliberately, so as to protect innocent calories. Arnold will permit you to promenade Arnold around the gardens of Tabby’s Place.
Arnold enjoys taking walks without the inconvenience of walking. Arnold enjoys pretending he is Mr. Darcy taking a turn around the room, but only the Colin Firth Mr. Darcy, because all the other Darcys are charlatans and pretenders who probably eat vegan chicken fingers together.
Arnold enjoys pretending he is Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, and all the Caesars who ever ate salads. Arnold is not exactly pretending. Arnold is doing this for you.
By the time you and Arnold return inside, everything will look considerably better.
There is still work to be done. It is conceivable that someone may pierce the peace by feeling sorry for Arnold. People do this. One of Arnold’s second acts of office, if he were ever offered a corner office made exclusively of olive loaf, would be to outlaw “feeling sorry for Arnold.”
People feel sorry that Arnold is diabetic, until he explains that he is DiabArnold. His fun-lovin’ pancreas has better things to do than produce insulin. Arnold’s pancreas is working on time travel and communication with other dimensions. Arnold’s pancreas is brokering diplomacy and stabilizing the world supply of Funyuns.
Arnold’s pancreas does not produce insulin. But this means Arnold gets extra attention, extra affection, and forehead kisses, the likes of which not even all those Caesars dreamed.
Given that Arnold’s default attitude towards cats is “genocidal loathing,” Arnold has not spent time with other diabetic felines. Still, Arnold would like to start a Zoom-based, all-diabetic thrash band called “Insolence.” I would not bet against Arnold. Arnold promised me I can play the tambourine, as long as I bring chicken fingers.
Arnold is under no obligation to explain his reasons for pulling out his hair. We are working on this, but not as hard as Arnold is working on making everything look good.
Arnold allows us to believe that the behavior medication is working. Arnold plays with his puzzle toys because he knows it makes the children, which is to say you and me, happy. Arnold is doing all of this for us.
When you are an individual as astronomical as Arnold, no one will ever plumb your depths. Arnold can live with that, as long as we rub our foreheads against his forehead and absorb his brilliance by osmosis.
There is always something new to learn about Arnold.
I, for one, am grateful to live in the world of Arnold.
Everything is looking good.
Arnold has a white chin and marvelous whiskers! Thank you for introducing us to this wonderful cat – waiting for adoption but still happy, living his best life at Tabby’s Place!