Everybody seems to be talking about it. Nobody can really explain it. Everyone knows exactly what it is. But, it’s kind of hard to explain love. Cats, being a more gentile and erudite species, don’t try to explain. How wise! Yet, here we are, and it bears examining from the Tabby’s Place perspective.
A few years ago, a “study” that featured very few individual cats and some heavily biased researchers concluded that our cats don’t love us. HAH!! They were shouted down by the multitudes of cat adorers everywhere who actually live with cats and speak their language. Recent studies are more careful, reflecting truths we have witnessed since the dawn of agriculture and shared spaces between felines and humans. But…This just in!…now there seems to be a debunking of the concepts of the 5 languages of love that we intuitively understand in some ways, yet which don’t actually seem to correlate with more successful human romantic relationships as claimed. But, what about non-romantic relationships? What about cats?
Let us begin with the human “love languages,” which are: affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Summarized by the host of Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me! The NPR news quiz, Peter Sagal, the reason for the debunkment [forward to 7m 13s] of the concept of these as love languages is that it basically gets down to everyone wanting to be treated nicely all of the time. Getting down to those basics, at Tabby’s Place, these are at the heart of what inspires staff and volunteers to show up every day to perform necessary and, well, kind of gross duties along with many very pleasant ones.
Acts of Service is pretty obvious. Of course, cats expect service, and we’re willing to serve them (Boy are we ever!). It’s the other basics that really create the loving space that is Tabby’s Place. Receiving (and giving) of gifts is a daily treasure from donations to treats to toys and beyond. Without this basic demonstration of love, without receiving generous, splendid gifts, we would be unable to perform daily acts of service and help change hopeless to hopeful for so many of our furry friends. Receiving is ultimately the kind of nourishment that transcends physical need and satisfies the needs for connection and well-being.
That brings us to affirmation, quality time, and physical touch. These things are tightly intertwined. Spending time with Gulliver and petting Gulliver and cooing sweet nothings to Gulliver and brushing Gulliver (His chirps are not to be resisted!) all let him know that he is safe, wanted, appreciated, and precisely perfect exactly as he is. What better show of love could there be?
In a similar fashion, playful Hibou responds very positively to most of these same demonstrations of love (that is to say, niceness), just with more, well…Hibou loves attention, but has a little to learn about appropriate interactions with human fingers. Brushing – to be determined. Respecting Hibou’s need for guidance is one way to affirm that he is a unique, special living being. Cross-cultural differences between a feline from the country of Lebanon and so many humans from nearer to Lebanon, New Jersey are easily overcome when we speak the same language.
This whole thought process has gone off the rails. Getting back on track and back to essentials, treating cats and people with respect and kindness is the beating heart of Tabby’s Place operations. Affirming, serving, gifting, touching (heart-to-heart and with pets), and sharing time allow for the connections where love flourishes. We humans love the cats unconditionally and unendingly. The cats love us and appreciate (mostly!) the haven that they have in the ark that Jonathan built. So, whether it is a person taking the time to brush a matted coat or a cat’s porpoise-ing request for more pets, there is clear understanding. After all, at Tabby’s Place, we all speak the same language.