Everything old is new again.
OK, maybe not Dick Clark. Or Dick Cheney. But everything else.
Spring has sprung us a profusion of new cats. It seems we humans aren’t the only ones to get hooked on all things vintage. We may be canning our own jam, wearing gingham and crooning along with She And Him in our Instagrams, but the cats have taken “retro” to new heights.
Consider Babs. Technically the only thing new about Babs is her station – the Community Room, after a long stint in Suite B. Yet, in these new digs, the old grey girl has taken up a new behavior that’s altogether old-timey. Put down a vessel of water – any vessel, be it a bowl, a banana boat or the Edmund Fitzgerald – and Babs will bat it.
And bat it. And bat it.
Bat. Bat. Batbatbatbatbat. Battabatbat.
And what, exactly, is her goal? Please let me know after you find the Holy Grail and fix the national deficit. Nobody knows. Babs continues her water-whacking long after she’s flooded the Community Room and emptied every bowl.
I have my own theory. As Babs advances in age, she’s looking for inspiration from the great golden-agers of another time, and she’s chosen the matchless Hillary as her inspiration. Hillary lived to age 20. Hillary ruled the Community Room. Hillary ran for president (really).
And Hillary left no water bowl unturned.
Like a woman getting itty-bitty Audrey Hepburn bangs to echo the icon, or a fella who grows his sideburns long in tribute to Elvis, Babs is going retro in a very visible way.
She’s not the only one.
Newbie Sam is such a throwback, he’s skipped the 80s, the 60s or even the 40s. Unless, that is, you mean the 6040s BC. Other hep cats may take their cues from the 20th century, but Sam is positively prehistoric. If a woolly mammoth, a saber-toothed tiger and a Care Bear were all mooshed together, they just might resemble our huge, hairy, anything-but-scary sweetheart. Fortunately for us, Sam is as loving as he is large. He has a tuft of hair for every ounce of love in his heart, which means he’s got down-to-there hair.
Or what of Crystal? Sam’s comrade from a south Jersey shelter is as dainty as Audrey Hepburn, as saucy as Mae West…and as toothy as a chupacabra. If Crystal were in pictures, she’d be the little minx putting all the fellas in their place, with a wink and a smile. Granted, only one wink, from that one eye of hers – but that would be enough. As sweet as she is insane, ChupaCrystal is the newest member of the Cecille/Tiffany Society Of Whacky White Cats In Possession Of Many Hearts (that’s the CTSOWWCIPOMH to insiders).
Then there’s Oliver. The squinty sweetheart seems to have missed the memo announcing some basic facts:
1) You don’t tug on Superman’s cape;
2) You don’t spit into the wind;
3) You don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger; and
4) You don’t mess around with Jim Sluggo.
Well, that’s not entirely fair. Oliver doesn’t “mess around” with Sluggo, unless “mess around” can be defined as “to lay passively while a creature 47 times your size unleashes the wrath of a thousand orcs upon your person.” Oliver isn’t the instigator – the little man doesn’t have an instigatory bone in his orinch body – but he’ll come back for more.
Again. And again. And again.
Maybe it’s Stockholm Syndrome. Maybe he thinks he’s helping Sluggo vent his aggression. Maybe he’s just as daft as a brush. But Oliver is the one and only cat in Suite C who doesn’t mind Sluggo’s attacks…and will actively seek out the colossus for attention/aggression. Yep, Oliver’s definitely a throwback, auditioning for the role of “pummelled guy #4” in any Jim Croce song. ‘Cause when the bad folks all get together at night, they all call Sluggo boss.
In the less-violent part of town the suites, the Flowers are as vintagey as melamine marigold stick pins. With faces that look like softly-painted scenes from a Victorian card, the girls are irresistible. Which is an excellent thing, since they really, really, really want you to resist them. Since resistance on your part is futile (must…moosh…face), resistance on their part ultimately gives way. Yes, we’re still in the process of teaching Petunia, Daisy, Violet and Pansy to trust us…but it’s as certain as the happy ending in a Doris Day movie.
Our final retro star today is the unsinkable Eek. I do not use the term “unsinkable” cavalierly here. Since Eek weighs approximately 83 pounds, it is something of a miracle that she doesn’t sink. But I digress. She’s not scary. She’s too sweet to stay scared of us. But she has a spooky name because she loves early ’90s cartoons that much. Yes, lords and ladies, Tabby’s Place is the proud guardian of the real, live Eek The Cat.
We also have Squidward. But, that’s another tale for another time.