I have worked in animal rescue for over 23 years, and I genuinely mean it when I say I love each and every animal that crosses my path.

Sometimes, however, one just hits your heart even harder and you know they belong with you.

That’s how it was with Fergie. She was one of my favorites at Tabby’s Place (shhhhhh, don’t tell the other cats), and I knew she should be mine.

I held off for a long time, though, because there was always another hospice cat that needed me more. But, the day it was announced we were looking for a forever foster for Fergie, I knew my girl was finally coming home. She had moved to the front of the foster line.

I was so excited to bring Fergie home, but also a little concerned that she would disrupt the peace between the cats in my house. She was always a bit of a bully to the other cats, and I didn’t want to upset my cats who were already home. Fergie was worth the risk, and she came home with me in June of this year.

For the first few days in her new home, she was in a large playpen, so she could get used to her new area. I thought she would be scared to be somewhere new, after being at Tabby’s Place for so long, but she was outgoing and friendly with me from day one.

Once she was released from the playpen, she was a little swatty if the other cats got too close to her, but nothing too bad. After the first few days, however, something magical happened.

First, she got a boyfriend, Hector (another forever foster from Tabby’s Place). Fergie decided Hector was her true love. They would headbutt each other, groom each other, and could often be found just sitting together. After Hector won her over, she started being happy to be around the other cats. She only was affectionate with Hector, but she wasn’t bullying anyone else, so I take that as a win.

Fergie seemed to love her new home, and quickly chose the biggest bed as her own. When she wasn’t snoozing in her large, comfy bed, she was watching the birds outside of the door, or demanding food. I even caught her playing with toys a few times, throwing them around like she was a kitten again. Fergie was happy and content, and the queen of her own kingdom.

Every time I saw her cute little self, it made me smile, and every time she yelled at me for something (usually food), it made me laugh.

On what was to be our last day together, I noticed she was having some labored breathing, so I put her in a carrier and brought her to Tabby’s Place to our vet team. X-rays indicated her heart was in very bad shape. As the vet team tried to take blood work, Fergie went into cardiac arrest, and passed away moments later.

I was inconsolable, and sobbed as I told her, “Mommy is here, I love you so much.” My Fergie was gone, and I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I spent the day going between crying and feeling like I was in a fog, followed by a sleepless night, replaying it all in my head over and over again. She was just here, yelling for food and head-bumping Hector … how could she be gone?

So many people have asked me over the years, “how do you do it?” I always answer the same way: “because I got some time with them, maybe not much, but that time mattered.”

Would I have still taken Fergie if I knew our time was limited? If I knew it would rip out my heart and smash it into pieces?

10000000000% yes, over and over again.

The time I had with Fergie will stay with me forever. The pain will eventually lessen, and I know I did the right thing taking her home. No regrets, ever.

Will I do it again? You know I will, as soon as the next one needs me. My heart may have been broken so many times I no longer take the time to mend the pieces, but it is also so full of love because of each of these babies. They all matter so much, and even if I know it will end with my heart breaking even more, I’ll never stop.

Fergie, thank you so much for our time together. We all miss you so much, but I am so glad I was able to share the past few months with you. You will always be remembered and you will always be loved.

You mattered.

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