We can take “self-deprecating” — humor or otherwise — too far. We can, and we do. Cats can, and they don’t.
Not everything free is worth the price. If someone offers you free advice, a free towel emblazoned with the faces of all five members of N’Sync, or a “free food,” you’d best consult your most trusted advisors. By whom, of course, I mean the Law Offices of Baby, Albus, Cola and Hagrid.
I’m sorry, Charly. I’m sorry you thought you had a handle on life, but it snapped right off the door. I’m sorry that open doors closed. I’m not sorry to see you again.
We are all, to a person, noisy. This applies to the introverts and the anchorites no less than the chandelier-swinging celebrants of social butterflication. The question is, what sort of noise will we make?
One of the greatest moments of my life is recreating itself as we speak. No one should be so lucky as to live through this twice. But then, no one could ever deserve the delight of knowing Crinkle Bob.
Whereas: Geraniums and gerbils and gel pens exist. Whereas: You are personally fashioned from the same stuff as hummingbirds and Harold. Resolved: You, life, and Harold are exactly who and what and where you were destined to be.
It’s inevitable that you will, in certain moments, be insufferable. When you’re honest with yourself, you know you’re incomprehensible. But if the rumor is true that you’re fashioned from the same stuff as orangutans and orange groves and Oram, you are, first and foremost, ineffable.
Of course he departed on the 4th of July. Of course the cat who cried “FREEDOM!” made us cry on Independence Day. Of course the king with a heart of fire rang his Liberty Bell with fireworks overhead.
We can focus on the bad or the good. The bad: It’s true. It’s terrible. National Accordion Awareness Month is over for another year. The good: YOU DONATED TWO MILLION DOLLARS OF PURE LOVE.
There is a voice under the ribs that never lies. It sings all day long. If you are a cat, this truth-teller chants ancient ballads about integrity, the overlapping circles of all souls, and McRib sandwiches.