On behalf of every cat who hath ever trod the earth, I beseech you: slow down. On behalf of Elijah, the cat who hath most gelatinously trod the earth, I beseech you in all caps: SLOW. DOWN. Slow down, with verve, panache, and pizzazz.
Never let anyone tell you that cats are immune to New Year’s resolutions. The moment applications opened to drive the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile, the Tabby’s Place cats instantly, collectively developed goals. Resolved to support them, I have just signed 100 reference letters.
When situations go sideways, as situations sometimes do, we tend to assign a certain speed to the process. You’ve heard the phrase a thousand times: “the situation is deteriorating rapidly.” But is it? Why so speedy, situation? Maybe everything is moving as deliberately as one Allie Rosenberg.
There are so many ways to be a good cat. I have yet to discover a single way to fail at this lofty goal. This is good news for all of us.
When the orchestra gathers, trumpets tell tall tales. Astringent oboes wake the sleepers. Fairy flutes carry the story. But it’s the humble, deep-chested cello that makes the world lean in.
Prescott, Prescott, what have you seen? Precious Prescott, can we make your ghost stories come untrue?
You do not have to like the same things that “everyone” likes: avocado (tastes like phlegm), Method cleaning products (45 subtle variations of Motel Bathroom Scent), games in which balls are hurled, hooped, or walloped (professional backgammon, anyone?). You do not have to hate the same things that “everyone” hates: candy corn (tiny sunrise triangles […]
When someone would experience something satisfying but small, my Brooklyn-born friend would often say, “That and a token will get you on the subway.” “Grecca said I look spiffy today.” “That and a token will get you on the subway.” “I did not step in cat vomit a single time this week.” “That and a […]
Cats are, and are not, threatened by one another. The “are” involves natural resources. The “aren’t” involves superhuman strength.
If the whole world feels glittered with gold and white today, you’re not imagining things. It’s Betty White Day. And if you’re here, reading these words, I’m certain of this: you’ve been Bettied.