Their favorite Beatle is Ringo.
They think Whoopee Cushions are hilarious.
They wish they had phones, so they could prank call Jonathan to say he just won ten million Doritos.
Tapenade and Polaroid only seem solemn.
You have seen these boys. Or, more likely, you have not.
As two of the more timid constituents of our great 2024 colony rescue, Polaroid and Tapenade tiptoe under the radar. When they emerge, their expressions are earnest.
They seem shy and serious, as though they are agonizing over extra credit. They look like law-abiding Honors students who apologize to the substitute teacher on behalf of their uncouth classmates.
This studious appearance is an illusion.
They are all three Beastie Boys, even though there are only two of them. They are a whole bag of giant googly eyes. They are green olives on all ten fingers at a black-tie wedding.
They are the living embodiment of the word “gadzooks!”
But you won’t hear it from them. So, I am here to tell you.
When we socialize shy cats, we catch glimpses of their glory. Through the tireless work of our Behavior Team and volunteers, trembly, wobbly newcomers learn that they are safe at Tabby’s Place.
This may, over weeks or decades, enable us to shnoogle them. Or, it may simply enable them to enjoy themselves, while also enjoying not being shnoogled. Either outcome is fine by us. What matters is the vanquishing of fear.
You cannot be yourself when you are afraid.
You cannot be outrageous when you are afraid.
But once you know you are loved and unlikely to be eaten by yak or volunteers, you can be all of the above.
You can go from Tapenade and Polaroid to ‘Nade and ‘Roid.
You can go from concerned gentlemen to rowdy boys.
And when the teacher isn’t looking, you can even recruit your friends. Polaroid and Tapenade aren’t the only ones freelancing in fun these days.
Meridian and Vaermino are chortling and cavorting in the solarium.
Zinc convinced Helium that if you really look at human eyebrows, I mean really look, they are all pretty ridiculous, but also proof that people are harmless. (Nothing deadly ever looked like that. And have you seen human earlobes? Hilarious.)
Whether or not our colony class “learns” to become lap cats, the education in exuberance is what matters.
Our goal is for them to feel alive and adored. There is no core curriculum here.
There are many career paths to peace.
But they all require electives in shenanigans.
Happiness is happening in our shy suite. Pardon us if we are all a little googly-eyed with delight.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go answer the phone. Someone is calling about Doritos, and this sounds important.
Editor’s note: From time to time we move cats from one suite to another, and ‘Nade and ‘Roid are now conducting their shenanigans in different dorms. Be assured the fun goes on. All this fabulous must be spread around Tabby’s Place to ensure maximum distribution, you know.