It is not wise to accuse a cat of being late.
Or early. Or a fan of Nicki Minaj. Or otherwise wrong. Especially if said cat is Elmo.
So Elmo didn’t get his Valentiney act together on Valentine’s Day, exactly. So sue him. (No, don’t; he strikes me as the type of cat who has a battalion of personal defense attorneys at the ready, led by Maggie.) Elmo doesn’t believe in that commercialized crap anyway. He’s the old man muttering in Hallmark about “evil corporate overlords” and how the holiday is a scam dreamed-up by choclatiers. Elmo would be the codger who buys up all the “I wuv you” cards just to pitch them in the trash and get them off the market, as a sort of cantakerous public service. Elmo does not believe in mush.
But what he does believe in – and he may pop me with an “I’m-declawed-but-I-still-mean-it” left for this – is love.
Actually, this would appear to be love+. Judge for yourself, but methinks we are in the territory of lurrrrrrrrve.
It’s evident that the Elmster has found a lady who can match him step for step in the old-‘n-opinionated department. If Toya is a tad less cranky that our silver curmudgeon, she’s no less righteous. First and foremost, she is very secure in the knowledge that she is a righteous babe. Think Mama Cass singing Make Your Own Kind of Music. Think Queen Latifah c. 1992. Think…the most self-assured zaftig calico ever to make the lobby floors shake.
She’s all Elmo can think about.
But here’s the thing: they don’t know we know.
As far as the dear, daft public knows, Elmo and Toya are both Cats Who Do Not Like CatsTM. It’s right there on their adopt-me pages: Elmo “tolerates” cats, and Toya downright “dislikes” them. So what, pray tell, is going on in these photos?
I’ll leave that mystery to you. Just, whatever you do, please don’t tell Toya or Elmo that you know, or that I told you. It’s no coincidence that they refused to meet my gaze when I snapped these photos, and it’s best for all of us that it not be spoken of again. I beseech your mercy. I have three hungry children and a crop in the field Webster depending on me. And if Toya or Elmo find out that I’m going all TMZ on them…well, remember me well.
But most of all, remember this: everyone, everyone, needs love. Don’t let any old codger, feline or not, convince you otherwise. And this Valentine’s week or any time at all, don’t hesitate to give it, come what may. It’s the Tabby’s Place way.