This is not a gossip column, but Xena Rosenberg has secrets that might be exposed herein by Xena herself. In searching for inspiration, she found a Reddit tag: “Battle on, Xena!” Yes, this is a fandom reference. Yes, it is 100% applicable to the grey, 10-inch tall warrior princess that calls Tabby’s Place home. Yet, Xena has grown weary of this comparison.
With all due appreciation for show writers, actors, fans, comic book artists, and everyone else ever involved with various incarnations of Xena: The Warrior Princess, they pale next to our Xena’s singular glory. She knows this. The Tabby’s Place family knows this. According to Xena, it is high time that the entire world…nay…THE UNIVERSE…knows this.
Xena is ready for her debut (still and again).
At 5 years old, it may seem early for a creature to become a debutant. As a cat, any years old is the exact right age to be fully recognized by the world universe. Xena is ready to be seen and recognized (Aren’t we all?). She has stories to tell (mostly telling on other cats), and she has been studying anime to help illustrate why she should be received with fanfare and fanfiction everywhere she travels (all the way into the solarium of her suite).
Far and wide (and near and nearer), Xena wants everyone to know that she approaches every day like a banquet. She does this despite needing an entirely hypoallergenic diet (Allergies wholly and entirely lack in fun and overachieve in itch.). In her fullest gusto, she can be seen batting at balls and coming up with various shenanigans of her own design, much to the delight of herself. If, incidentally, others (suitemates, persons on tour, volunteers, staff, the person who dashed to the wrong door and let someone’s order grow cold) are also delighted, well, then, Xena’s pleasure will be amplified a thousand fold. Xena’s pleasure is doubled when napkin’s are involved (Napkins are always involved even if there are no napkins because the dashed door deliverer forgot them even though the box was checked).
Happily for Xena, the delivery persons at Tabby’s Place (They are bestowed the honorable title, “Feeders” and rank highest among all of the persons everywhere) are careful of her allergies. They are also careful not to step on toes, literally (Cats do swirl!) and figuratively (Cats can be prickly when hangry.). Thusly, Xena has decided that the feeders will be the first to be invited to advance showings of her ground-breaking spectacle: Xena, The Tabby’s Place Goddess (working title).
This petite (in size only) bit of magic is adorably made up of fur, claws, and an overdeveloped sense of self (Itty bitty body; ENORMOUS PERSONALITY.). While she seeks acknowledgements, adulation, and a Nobel peace prize for allowing her suitemates to share her domain, Xena would be content to receive the particular attentions and affections that a family of her very own could provide. She would appreciate all of the trappings of a forever home from stability, zero meal mix-ups, a warm bed, and persons to love her for as long as eternity.
The stories Xena might tell her would-be forever family could sound bland to the uninitiated. To the Tabby’s Place family and all kindred spirits, the stories would read like a fairy tale. But, the very fact of Xena is far beyond anything the very best writers could hope to imagine. Xena herself could hardly be expected to create a version of herself that matches the expanse of her actual self. And, this is her sanctuary self. At a home?
Well, somewhere there is that perfect person (sidekick) who is willing to “Battle on!” beside Xena. The tales they’ll tell together are the stories we’re all waiting for. Those will be the real stories. Those will be the ones where fact is more unbelievably wonderful than the most amazing and happily-ending fiction. For now, Xena is waiting. While she waits, she’ll continue preparations for her daily debuts.