Happy Valentine’s Day, royal family!

What’s that you say? I’m a day late and a few truffles short?

Balderdash.

By decree of Queen Prescott the Great and Good, Valentine’s Day shall continue uninterrupted until she says otherwise. She has no plans to say otherwise.

She does, however, hope your plans might include a trip to Tabby’s Place … today! If your legs, wheels, or wings can get you here before 4pm, we’re hosting Your Feline Valentine, an open house that’s all about our sponsored cats. The hour from 12-1pm is exclusively for sponsors (that’s you!) to dote on your sweetheart (that’s Prescott!).

We’ll open it up to the public (and hopefully recruit many new sponsors) from 1-4pm, and you are, of course, welcome at any time.

What’s that? You can’t make it today? Fret not! Prescott would be elated to see you any day. Your presence can turn any middling Wednesday into Valentine’s Day all over again.

Whether she will see you today or some other Valentine’s Day, Prescott is prepared to lavish you with love. Although this is always the case, she has been in special training this month. Amid her rigorous schedule of galloping down the Quinn’s Corner hallway, being retrieved from the Quinn’s Corner hallway, and researching potential hiding places of contraband treats, Prescott has been working with a mentor.

I know what you’ll say. This is preposterous. This is Prescott.

Prescott is the first cat in history to have caught and contained the red laser dot. Prescott could teach masterclasses in everything from metaphysics to jazz flute. Prescott has won multiple Oscars, Grammys, Pulitzer Prizes, and Food Network Rising Star awards. (She declined them all. She already felt good about herself. She figured humans needed these accolades more.) When you have attained perfection in every field, you do not need assistance.

But a little inspiration never hurt anyone.

Our Queen has found inspiration — I dare not say “competition” — from a noble new arrival. I would tell you his name, but I am not at liberty to do so. This feline secret agent is the guest of honor at Your Feline Valentine. Until he makes his debut today, we shall refer to him only as “Mystery Cat.”

But his powers are no mystery to Prescott. From the day he burst forth into her Lobby, he has launched an exuberant campaign of unstoppable affection. His primary strategy is stopping people. If you are going across the Lobby, Mystery Cat will scoot your way at the speed of smittenness. (Breaking the sound barrier is kittens’ play. This boy can move.) He will launch into your shins with the full force of infatuation. And he will snuggle you with the strength of six thousand dinosaurs.

You are not going anywhere. You are petting Mystery Cat. You are crumpling to the floor like a pillar of melted nougat. You are quite possibly going to spend the rest of your life in this exact spot, canoodling and being canoodled.

You are also going to notice a certain perfect, gifted, celestial, spectacular silver tabby staring at you with … no, no, we shan’t call it “envy.”

Prescott wants everyone to be loved, including Mystery Cat. Prescott knows the world is big enough for every feline, even this usurper. Prescott would never hold it against a cat for collecting hearts like valentines.

No, Prescott is not letting Mystery Cat’s scene-stealing sweetness make her bitter. Instead, it will make her better.

HAHAHAHAHA, I MADE A FUNNY! Perfect Prescott, “better!”

Although she cannot be improved, Prescott is at least enhancing her efforts to acquire all hearts. There is a new bounce in her toes, and persistence in her peridot eyes. She is doing her porpoise-leap into palms she has just met, dancing with visitors before she knows their names.

They may be Cupid, or they may be the dryer repair man. It doesn’t matter. They are living beings, which means their hearts are the property of Prescott. The least she can do it notify them, with grace and gusto.

Who is the most loving, most loved cat in the Lobby?

There’s no mystery there.

So if your cup is a little low on love, I beseech you, sweet sponsors: come and join us. Today will be unforgettable, but so will tomorrow. You are Prescott’s Valentine, one hundred percent of the time.

Just make sure to greet her before that mystery guy, OK?

Thank you for your generosity to our Prescott, dear sponsors. Our cherished queen is health, happiness, and love on four legs, all because of you.

With affection, your correspondent,
Angela