Be it known: Tabby’s Place has friends in the halls of power.
And I don’t just mean a certain 24-pound powercat.
First, a much-needed digression. When I mentioned Dick Clark on last Tuesday’s post, I assure you - Girl Scout oath, pinkie-promise, before God and king - that I had no whiff of a hint of his impending passing the very next day. (After reading the blog post, a friend begged me, “please don’t ever mention me on that blog!” I am happy to assure you that all other living beings mentioned in that blog post are still alive and kicking. Well, I haven’t personally heard from Dick Cheney, but I have it on good authority that he’s safe and sound in an undisclosed location.)
Nor, of course, did I intend any malice towards Mr. Clark. Matter of fact, I’m a lifelong fan of the icon, a man who warmly celebrated far-ranging generations of artists with all his heart. Dick Clark wasn’t afraid of change, and embraced each season of the century with all its quirks and melodies. I was mighty saddened by his passing, and will miss the gentle joy he brought to spotlighting celebs great and small. Each year in high school, I held an “elegant” New Year’s Eve party at which the girls would dress up and eat fancy crudites, and the boys in their No Fear T-shirts would throw pretzels and impale pigs-in-a-blanket with toothpick swords. The highlight of the event was the watching of Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve. Well, that, and the banging of the pots and pans on the front stoop at midnight. Yes, I ran with a wild crowd in high school.
But enough of that, and on to pressing political news.
Whereas: Tabby’s Place is located in the glittering non-metropolis of Ringoes, NJ (population: 14 humans, 100 cats, 47 delis). Everyone knows Ringoes is the jewel of Hunterdon County. It is not, however, the county seat.
Whereas: Ringoes is a mere five minutes from the county seat itself: one Flemington, NJ.
Whereas: the major of Flemington must be a Very Powerful Human.
Whereas: Very Powerful Humans need Very Powerful Cats.
Therefore: Tiffany is has adopted the major of Flemington.
Oh yes. Our smallest, daftest white wonder has shot straight to the top of Hunterdon County politics. Tiff has never been shy about her lust for power, and we all know where this is headed. Many a president has come from Flemington. And by “many,” I mean “zero.” Which is even better, because it means Tiff will be the first.
It restores my faith in politics to know that Flemington’s mayor has such nonpartisanly perfect taste in felines. It’s a big job to mayor a place like Flemington. Not one, but two new burger joints have sprung up just this month, and Her Mayorness is going to have to make sure a turf war doesn’t break out. (French…fries…everywhere!)
It’s not a job for the catless. It is a job…for Tiffany.
So if you’re out in Flemington and happen to see a cat symbol appear in the sky, you’ll know the powers-that-be are calling upon their greatest resource: the mighty Tiff.
Your Mayorness, you may have our vote - but, even more important, you have your ebullient, effervescent, endlessly excellent Tiffany. A happy forever to our favorite feline politician.