I’m not sure who said it first.
But somewhere in the last few weeks, several of us foolish human beans have dared to remark, “It’s awfully late in kitten season for us to have no kittens.”
Foolish, foolish human beans.
There’s just no other term that will do.
It all started with a little bit giant epic wheel of cheese. The mighty Gorgonzola came with no fewer than four Babybels. (Assigning these names was a heated manner. Hard as I fought to name kittens Squeeze, String and Processed, the Cheese family ultimately garnered the less-ridiculous monikers of Havarti, Feta, Velveeta and Bleu.)
Then there were the orphans. Fortunately, unlike Oliver Twist, these little bits didn’t need to ask for more - there’s plenty to go around for every little mouth at Tabby’s Place. But more on that in a moment. Befitting their well-fed status, we named the motherless children Pfefferneuse, Macaroon, Snickerdoodle and Biscotti. They arrived at the ripe old age of 4 days, umbilical cords still attached.
Next was the Bunny with the buns in the oven. No rabbit-shaped pinata has ever been so ready to pop as this pretty white-and-black spotted girl. And, no stereotypical pacing papa has ever been so anxious - and excited - as the Tabby’s Place staff during the long days of waiting. At last, just a little bit late for Easter, our Bunny produced her sweeter-than-chocolate surprises: Squirrel, Chipmunk, Mouse and Badger.
Think that’s enough kittens?
C’mon now. Is there really a maximum recommended dosage of Awesome?
The next six came thanks to a compassionate cop, who’d discovered six mini-tuxedos. It’s like Honey, I Shrunk the Boots x6. They’re virtually indistinguishable from one another - but if you look really close, in those rare moments they slow down long enough to let you look at their faces, you can see that each kitten has a slightly different wittle mowf. A handlebar mustache here, a Fu Manchu there, a sloppy-adorable goatee there - the white markings are all a teensy bit different. But, since the sweet six are in perpetual motion, it’s hard to tell that they’re anything other than an Oreo milkshake.
As for their names, there’s a story here - and, since this is Tabby’s Place, it’s really strange. First, the tuxies were going to be the cereal kids - Kashi, Crispix and so on. But then we realized that these six Bootslets bring us over cat #1,000 at Tabby’s Place…and we’d made a strange, wonderful promise. One of our cats’ best and most generous Benefactor friends had asked, many moons ago, if he might have the honor of naming cat #1,001.
Of course, I said. Go crazy, I said. Just please, please, for the love of kittens, don’t name him/her Oreo.
I needn’t have worried that he’d offer a name too common or boring. Oh, no. Cat #1,001 would have many tales to tell, for her name would be…Scheherezade.
That’s a reference to 1,001 Arabian Nights, for those of you who were about to go Google that mouthful of a moniker (as we all did). But a promise is a promise…and so one of the cereals was going to be a legendary Persian queen. At first we thought it would be pretty punchy to have a litter including Kashi, Crispix, Cheerio, Captain Crunch, Miniwheat and…Scheherezade. But ultimately we decided that our little queen needed her own Persian-inspired entourage. And so the rest of the tuxies became Samir, Ishmael, Yousef, Habib and Saeed.
If you’ve been keeping kitten-count, you’ve just run out of fingers and toes (well, unless you have as many toes as Sprite) - ’cause that’s twenty tiny cats.
To be continued tomorrow.
*Special thanks and head-bonks to Danielle for these simply spectacular photos of the babies and baby mamas. In a word - wow!
Tags: badger, bialy, biscotti, bleu, brittany, bunny, chipmunk, feta, gorgonzola, habib, havarti, ishmael, ivan, kittens, macaroon, mouse, pfefferneuse, saeed, samir, scheherezade, snickerdoodle, sprite, squirrel, velveeta, velvet, yousef