You may have heard that the upstanding young men/women/Situations of The Jersey Shore moved their operation to Miami Beach this year.

Do not be misled; it’s untrue. The true stars of the Jersey shore turned down Miami for a much hotter summer venue…Ringoes.

And, with all apologies to Snooki and The Situation, those true stars are of the feline variety.

If it’s any consolation to the Snookster, the first of our Jersey shore cats does have a bit of a hair poof going on. A true Jersey guy, Bowie has something that’s a wicked-hot cross between a mullet and a ‘fro. Perhaps the closest analogy is the ‘do that Animal from The Muppet Show was rocking.

And make no mistake: the tan dude with the wild locks is every bit the rocker he appears. Fortunately, this big-attitude boy cleaned up his act long enough to earn a special place in the hearts of Cape May, NJ animal control.

A few towels further down on the beach,  the Cape May crusaders found a would-be B-baller a long way from the hoops. Barry is the Yao Ming of cats, standing nine feet about 36″ tall. He also bears a striking resemblance to the coolest cat in Ringoes, the unsinkable, un-freak-outable Mr. Grey. Barry and Mr. G haven’t encountered each other yet, but I can see it now: “Dude, were you at Lollapalooza last year?” “Duuuuude!”

It would seem that, in addition to large hair, Bruce Springsteen and the Turnpike, we can thank South Jersey for the gift of Really Awesome Black-And-White Cats. A full 50% of our Jersey Four are of the tuxedo persuasion. (OK, so that’s two cats. But work with me here.)

I don’t know exactly what kind of s’mores they’re making down the shore, but apparently there are no graham crackers involved, or else S’mores would be a calico. That would also make him one of the extremely rare calico boy cats, and that would probably get us all on the news. But we’ll have to find our 15 minutes of fame somewhere else, because S’mores is a good old tuxedo. As sweet as the smooshy, melted treat that bears his name, this boy is happy to trade beach bonfires for this central Jersey haven. I have a feeling S’mores may be the first Jersey boy out the door…

…but only if he can outrun Ralph.
Yes, we have a cat named Ralph.

In the whole world, there are only a few dozen people blessed with the ability to give exactly the right names to exactly the right cats. Ralph’s namers are in this elite class, because Ralph is utterly, undeniably Ralph. If he had his own reality show (and I wouldn’t put it past him), it would be Really Really Ralph.

For the time being, he’s really really eager to clear quarantine and get the heck out of his holding cage. I hear he’s also really confident he’ll be the first Jersey guy out of the gate.

Leave it to those Jersey boys to make everything a competition - or a Situation, if you will.

So will it be S’mores or Ralph? Or Barry or Bowie?

Alas, there’s no way we can fast-forward to the next episode of the Jersey Four, so we’re going to have to wait it out. One thing is certain: we’re a long way from the shore, and the party has landed in Ringoes. Next stop: forever families. Fist-pump!

Tags: barry, bowie, cape may cats, ralph, s'mores

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